Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Join Julie Rafter for a chat about Marriage


I have been very fortunate in my life, I found a wonderful man when I was young and we have shared 25 wonderful years together. It is not an easy journey though, I fell pregnant before Dave and I were married and I was not sure when he offered to marry me if it was because he felt duty bound or if he really loved me and was ready to take on all the responsibilities as a husband and father.

My three adult children have not been as fortunate as their father and me. Nathan also married young to a wonderful girl, Sammy and they just could not make their relationship work through economic hardships, drug addiction, gambling and ultimately an affair ruined the trust that they had. Nathan has grown up so much from the experience and says he does not regret a moment of the time they spend together; they may even be friends one day. I think Nathan will marry again, but this time he will be ready for what that commitment really means.

My golden son Ben married the love of his life Melissa and she was taken away from him before their young lives could really begin, they had dreams and hopes for their future and were already talking about starting a family. I only hope that he can find that kind of connection with another young woman and he can find a way forward in his life... it is still too soon to tell.

I am not sure if marriage is something that Rachel really wants, she has had a strong relationship with Jake but has just ended it to chase her dreams to New York, where Jake would be happy to stay in Australia and have a family. Rachel wants so much more… I only hope that she finds happiness and fulfillment.

Julie

Join Julie Rafter for a chat about Pregnancy



I have to admit that I thought that I was going through menopause when I found out that I was pregnant with my darling Ruby. I was terrified at what people would think of me as an older woman with a baby, not to mention the higher risks to the pregnancy. I love being a mother, but was fully aware of what a huge change it would make to my life, no longer able to only think of yourself, always having to care for another needy human being, and it does not end when they become adults, you are always there mother.

My beautiful daughter Rachel found herself pregnant after coming out of an abusive relationship, there was no hope or reconciliation with her partner and she was afraid of having that connection with this man for the rest of her life. She carried around her secret, afraid to say the words out loud that she never thought that she would say. The baby was unwanted, she was not happy about the little life growing in her, I am sure that she would have been a wonderful mother, but that child would be an everyday reminder of the mistakes that she had made in her life.

My father ‘Ted’ has very strong views on abortion; he thinks that you must live the choices that you have made in your life. He and my mother tried many times for a baby and suffered several miscarriages, they desperately wanted a child.

This is not a discussion that you can have without emotion, it is something that most people feel passionate about, either they believe in free will and that women should choose what happens to their bodies and the rest of their lives. Others believe that you a making a decision to end a human life and see it as murder.

No matter what choices we make, I never think there is an easy choice... they are both choices that you live with for the rest of your life.

Julie

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Join Julie Rafter for a chat about Domestic Abuse

I have tears in my coffee today as I think about the day that I held my beautiful daughter arrived on our doorstep with mascara smearing her eyes and staining her cheeks and a dark bruise forming around her eye, I thought "how did I fail her so badly as a mother?", why did I read her all those fairy tales where women are treated like princesses and couples live happily ever after.

My daughters beautiful pale skin bruised and broken from the fists of a man that she called her lover. How did my bright child ever come to this place? Her father 'Dave' wanted to go around to that young man’s apartment and I am not sure what he would have done with all the rage he was holding.

I just wanted my little girl to come home and we could rebuild her confidence and future from the shattered picture of her life with a man that thought it was okay to hit his girlfriend when nobody was looking.

I think this is a part of me is still afraid to let her go to New York and pursue her career, so far away from the safety of her family home and comforting hugs of her Mum and Dad, I can only hope that a stranger would take the time to listen to her and know that she is a loved daughter, sister, granddaughter and hopefully one day mother.

If you have ever had a man raise his fist to you, please tell your mother, of if you cannot speak to her share your story with me and we can try to find some help for you close to home.

Julie

Join Julie Rafter for a discussion about grief


Well I have my cup of coffee and am sitting at the computer, this is a difficult topic to discuss and I will not pretend to know what I am talking about, I can only discuss my own experiences and how my family members and I have coped with their loss of a loved one

My son Ben lost his beautiful, energetic and kind young wife 'Melissa' in a tragic car accident. She was working late at the hospital, as she was a nurse, and driving home she took her eyes off the road for a moment to look at a text message on her mobile phone and went through a stop sign. Melissa was killed instantly by a truck coming the other way, with her death we lost all the hopes for the future that she and Ben were planning together. We were all sure that they would be starting a family soon and it breaks my heart whenever I think about how beautiful their children would have been.

We have all tried to be brave for Ben and try to encourage him to stay present in our lives and keep moving through his grief. He could not get off our couch for weeks and did not have the energy to eat at times. We nursed him through as best we could, but a year on and I still see a distance in his eyes and deep sadness that I can never heal.

We have all had great fear for Ben that he may try to end his own life; he cannot see the value of his own life without Melissa. I can only imagine how bleak things must look for him sometimes, I have offered him information on
Beyond Blue and my Dad (Ben's Grandfather) Ted has discussed his own grief when he lost my mother, he even said he used to walk around the house in the quite hours of the night wearing my mother’s dressing gown because it smelt of her. Grief is a strange thing and it takes all kinds of shapes and forms, there is no right or wrong way to go through it, best thing you can do is talk about it with someone.

If you don't have anyone to listen, then I am here to lend an ear and share a cuppa.
Julie

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Join Julie - mother, daughter, wife and friend for a chat



I am not sure why I am creating this blog... but here goes anyway. I am sitting in my kitchen with a cup of coffee and thinking how I have found myself with a full house again in my 40's. I never would have imagined that I would be washing nappies again, but I love every moment.

I have four wonderful children, my eldest is Rachel, she is creative, passionate and fierce and will be leaving me soon to follow her shining career in New York, I am so proud of her and already ache with sadness that she has to go so far away to prove herself, but I accept that is who she is. Rachel has battled demons through her young life, dealing with alcoholism, drugs, an abusive partner and unwanted pregnancy.

My middle child is Ben and he has had a very difficult year, well we all have really. He lost his beautiful young wife 'Mel' and we lost our lovely young daughter in-law and future mother of my grand children. We are all still dealing with his grief.

My youngest child used to be Nathan, but he is no longer my baby... he has grown into a strong young man, he has already dealt with his fair share of hardships and is divorced from his wife and has wrestled with his self worth through financial hardship and unemployment. He is becoming a better man for it.

Now in my mid forties I have my darling baby Ruby. She gave me such a scare; I thought that I was going through early menopause when my pregnancy began. Who would have thought I could have a baby at this age. The doctors were not sure if our beautiful Ruby would be delivered safely, as they told me there were a number of complications with pregnancy in older women, we showed them didn't we Ruby! Who knows what is ahead for her, who will she become?

I love my children and would do anything to protect them; you never stop being a mother... no matter what age they are. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter and a friend.

Join me for a cuppa anytime, share the time of day and a story.
Meet Julie from the Television show "Packed to the Rafters"